StarCraft

The clanwar between a2 and esC is over just a few minutes ago, and now I feel completely drained.

I have been playing StarCraft for more than 5 years now, being a local champ for this time period, but this is my first online clanwar so far. And I can tell that it is even more draining than any LAN party I have ever experienced. Perhaps that's just a matter of my newbiness, but anyway, it's hard. :)

But I feel good, no matter how tired I am. Come on, that was my first CW, and I have won my opponent 2-0! That's something that fills me with joy and self-confidence.

To tell you the truth, that is the main reason I came to this sport, and that is the main reason I am in it for so long. Self-confidence. Winning a worthy foe gives you a strong feeling of Being Able. Winning a tournament is even harder, that's why it gives much stronger feeling. Even when the opponents are not-so-good, the fact that you came on top of so many people is really A Something.

I can tell for sure that my results in this sport gave me the courage and self-confidence in my day-to-day life. Six years back I was a young guy posessing almost no self-confidence at all, I bended before the challenges my life offered me, and I always tried to run away from any responsibility. Now I'm really a different person, although not someone really bold like Terminator ;), but pretty bold anyway. I am ready to live my life without hiding from its challenges, and I know every challenge will make me even stronger.

Not that the sport changed me single-handedly, though it was really helpful in times of trouble, when I was shaken and my spirit cried. I hid in sport, and got the strenght in it, and that really helped.

However, for about a year now I am seriously considering giving StarCraft up. It doesn't get me the help as it used to - or I just don't need it anymore - and sometimes it even becomes an obstacle on my way. For example, I am sure I wouldn't be able to get up at 6am tomorrow morning (oh man, it's TODAY already!), and even if I'll make it at 7, the whole day will be screwed.
Not to tell about the evening work I intended to do.

So, I am re-thinking my connection with this sport now, and God help me to choose right! :)